Things that make you go "Hmmmm"

  So I have been doing this mother thing for almost 8 months and there are a couple of things that have or still baffle me and I just thought I would share them with you.

1) Boogers.
    How the hell to babies make them so fast?  And why the hell are they so damned sticky?  Poor Noah hates when I molest his nose trying to get these gargantuan snotscicles (yes, I said it, a combination of snot & icicle) out.  But at certain angles the shear largeness of them take away from his cuteness and I just can't have that.
2) Saliva
   Particularly when Noah, whom I dubbed Sir Drool-a-lot, started teething (around 4 months) I was amazed that he didn't just shrivel up into an baby raisin.  How the hell did he stay hydrated when he was drooling a litre an hour?  His bibs were soaked!  It's gotten a little better with the introduction of solids because some of that saliva accidentally gets swallowed when he is eating.

Drool Bombing @ 2 months.

3) The Evolution of Feces.
   First it was black tar.  Then it was mustard coloured, pea soup that shot out and that, according to the literature, was apparently suppose to be the size of a quarter. Then as solids were slowly introduced, a certain poo-mousse came out.  And on days when the breast feeding is a little low, a slightly moldable lump that, if you are not careful, will just roll out of the diaper when changing. (For softer lumps, just add more breast milk.)  What is always amusing is the ability to recognize what he ate by what he pooped.  Green = beans.  Orange = carrots.  Oddly enough, chicken smells quite the same going in or coming out.  And years from now, I am sure that the untouched corn kernel will also make it's exit.  However, I will not be the one checking.
4) The Mystery of Sleep.
   Each day is pretty much the same.  Our night routine is predictable.  Get undressed.  Diaper change. Play with your feet or your frog in your crib while smiling at the mobile. Get into pjs.  Get swaddled. Nurse.  Get rocked to sleep.  Eventually get put in crib.  What I don't get is...why does this lead to random and unpredictable amounts of sleep?  Is there some mathematical equation involving the amount of mobile turns and the time rocked that determined the amounts of hours slept?  Is it a function of the angle back and forth  or the rhythm of the rocking? Please let me know so that I can correctly answer this sleep equation on a nightly basis.
5) Erections.
   WTF!  No one told me about this!  I was in the middle of changing my INFANT when I noticed his little wee wee was standing up at attention.  I threw a wet wipe over top thinking that he was going to pee.  Then waited....no pee...so I go to take the wet wipe off and notice that the pressure of my hand met some resistance. And before I look again, I remembered that it did look a little "longer".  Again, WTF! Trust me, my first experience with a baby boner was certainly traumatizing and resulted in a very strange dream in which I witnessed my friend making out with some random in the Gondola up at Whistler and then had to help her put a diaper on him. (Told ya it was weird.)

  And these are but a few things that make me go "hmmm?" and in some cases "WTF!"