Sleep: a Love/Hate Relationship.

Sleep. The natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored. (Merriam-Webster)
Sleep. An activity you can never remember actually doing but one that is sought after so much when you don't get to do it enough.
Sleep.  Something that comes so naturally it's hard to believe your baby needs training.
Sleep.  So very precious and so very rare when you are a new parent.

My little man has never been much of a sleeper, and he is certainly not a napper. At six months of age he is suppose to be getting between 14-16 hours of sleep. Riiiiiight!  Since day one I have been keeping a log of how much/long he nurses (which is a whole different adventure in itself), his bowel movements, as well as his sleep. I would say, that on average, Noah sleeps between 10-11 hours a day.

In the early months, I was extremely worried about the gap between what should be and what was. I was spending hours researching sleep training (often reading books while nursing).  I felt like a student again, photocopying books and highlighting the important parts.  I had even gone so far as to write notes and print out an "action plan" to keep me focussed.  I had had endless discussions face to face and over FB with other mothers faced their own sleep issues.

I was tired...
...tired of sleeping in two hour chunks
...tired of reading theoretical advice that never seemed to provide a solution for the failure of one of their steps. (ex: how do you pat a child on the back when they are suppose to be sleeping on it?)
...tired of questioning if what I was doing was the right thing (is it okay that he is still sleeping in our bed?)
...tired of worrying (is his brain development compromised by his little sleep? )
...tired of trying different strategies without any success (daddy settling, not nursing to sleep... )
...tired of the hope followed by the disappointment and frustration of failure
...tired of analysing everything I did and wondering what I was doing wrong.

At my three month (or was it four month?) well-baby check up, I discussed this concern with my fabulous family doctor.  And she brought up the obvious that I was clearly too tired to see.  Even without the recommended hours of sleep, Noah was happy and thriving. In fact, he has plenty of energy, just ask anyone who has witnessed his forever moving legs.
  It was then that it occurred to me...My obsession about sleep was simply EXHAUSTING! And on the drive home, I changed my game plan.
  None of this sleep training was working because Noah simply wasn't ready.  He wasn't doing anything wrong that needed to be corrected.  He was just being an infant.  He still needed to nurse because he was growing and hungry.  Why would I deny him nourishment especially after the struggles we had for the first two months of his life?  He slept better with us because he still had an emotional need for proximity.  Why would I want to make this precious little angel feel alone especially since he had literally been everywhere with me for over 9 months?

I took a different approach and just relaxed.  I had faith in time.  I trusted in him.  I began to enjoy rocking (and nursing) my little one to sleep.  I felt proud to be providing him the comforting feeling of being in his mother's safe and loving arms as he drifted off.  I viewed sleep, even the little that we got, in a more positive light...and that night he slept for over 4 hrs in a row.  I stopped feeling ashamed that he was sleeping between his parents.  Cosleeping is the norm in the majority of the human population and, in my opinion, it has many benefits. And I have NEVER come close to smothering my child.

Sleep training theories are great and often make a lot of sense but they are simply not going to work if your baby is not ready. Lying your child down on the track every day will not make him get up and run! (Heck, it won't even make me run and I am actually able!) And I am pretty sure that my obsession and ensuing disappointment kept me in a state of stress, and those stress hormones were being passed on through my breast milk. No wonder Noah never really slept peacefully during our "training" days.


So it's been two months that I have been sporting this new attitude and it has made a tremendous difference.  Except for a couple hiccups in the road (when he is sick or teething) Noah lets us sleep for at least one chunk of 4 hours a night.  Some nights we are even blessed with over 6! Why?  'Cause he is ready to sleep longer. 
I guess you could say my sleep training is guided by his cues.
I have seen him soothe himself back to sleep on a number of occasions.  So he is ready to move to the crib.  We have started that this week for nap time and it has actually worked quite well.  He is managing to sleep even longer there.  Probably because he doesn't expect one of us to be beside him.
I have put him down (accidently) with his eyes open.  He looked around for a little bit and then fell back asleep.  So once the crib is mastered, I will address this...which may then require consideration of the CIO method.

I am much less tired now that I am no longer obsessed.  I am at peace with our sleeping situation and he is peacefully sleeping (in fact, so far, it's been a +2 hr nap in his crib).