The Countdown

  Today, Noah is 11 months old.  It is also the 2nd to last full Friday I will have with him.

  As you can see, I am in a little of a funk.  But I think that this has been brewing for a while, I just couldn't put a finger on why I was not quite my energetic, happy self. 

  There is a part of me that is looking forward to going back to work, to being around adults and to making a difference in my students' lives.  I know that I am good at my job and that they are excited to have me back.

  But then, there is the heart in me that breaks a little knowing all I will miss.  His daily babbling.  His excited "running".  His happy motorcycle hands.  His facination with things. How proud he is when he does something new.  His new scrunchy face.  His "Noah" kisses.  The instant smiles as soon as we make eye contact...  And I know that I will still experience these things, I will just have to go without for nearly 9 hours a day.

  And although I really like his daycare provider, I am aware that she may be witness to many of his firsts...first word, first crawl, first step... One of the things I treasure most about all our time together is I get to see this development in action.  I bear witness to every tiny step of his progress.  Soon, I will be missing gaps.

  So I just nursed him to sleep for his nap and held him a little bit longer as the tears poured down my face.  And I realized that I better get it together and stop crying so that I can cherish every moment of mat leave I have left.  After all, I want to commit these clearly to memory, not through the blur of tears.

Scrunchy Face