Actions Speak Louder than Words

  For a few weeks now (alright, more like months), my son has been vocalizing his point of view.  Sometimes, I get the feeling that he just disagrees for the sake of asserting his independence or to let us know that he is aware that he can (and will) choose to have a different opinion than that of his parents.  There are even times that his voiced opinion is in conflict with his internal desire.  This usually happens when his inner desire is in harmony with the wishes of his parents but his "I am the boss of me" self requires an opposing response.

Example :

  My husband was getting some time in with our little girl and was settling her to sleep.  During this time, I usually get Noah ready for bed and eventually sleeping.  Needless to say, he seemed to fight me every step of the way.  From undressing to diapering to dressing back up, the whole thing was a struggle.  I literally had to wrestle him the entire time. I needed a time out.  So I put his warm milk on the banister and walked up for some quality facebook time.

  He played for a little bit and then slowly came up the stairs.  With each step he would either whine "I am not tired mommy," or state "I am not going to sleep!"  Finally, he is standing beside me at the computer and I say "Oh no! You forgot your milk!" And suddenly he is racing back down the stairs to get his milk, runs back up the stairs, stops at his door and beckons "C'mon Mommy! Let's go to sleep."

If only all situations where that easy to turn around.  Tonight's demonstration of defiance was much more dramatic.

   It's bed time again. We ask politely.  We give him choices (Shirt or pants first? Left leg or right leg?) I even use humor by trying to put his shirt on his legs. He is refusing to participate in the changing of the garb.  Then we bribe. (If you get dressed, we can watch one more Octonauts before bedtime.) To which he responds with a loud "No, I don't want to!" Then we threaten and even carry the time out through.  Still, he is not cooperating. To my utter heartbreak, we try to use force.   He twists, he turns, he cries, he even kicks.  We stop.  Give up.  And punish him by placing his favourite toy on top of the fridge.  

  My daughter is now awake and needing attention so Daddy goes up for more cuddle time.

  Meanwhile, my son clad in only a pj top is curled in my lap crying that he doesn't want to and that he doesn't like me.  I continue to hold him and simply reply "Well I still like you" and try to figure out exactly what it is he doesn't want to do and why he doesn't want to do it.  Apparently, he doesn't want to do it because he doesn't want to. Seems like pretty sound logic...for a three year old.

  Eventually I get tired of this conversation and gently place him on the couch to go wash and sterilize the bottles.  He continues his chant of not wanting to and not liking me as tears continue to wet his shirt.  I then begin to get myself ready for the night and go to the garage to get my coconut water. When I come back, he has moved from the couch and seems to be looking for me to tell me that he doesn't like me.

  Then he sees me.  Without missing a beat in his "I don't like you, Momma." mantra, he walks towards me with his arms out for me to pick him up.  I pick him up, cuddle him a bit on the couch  while he continues to cry and ask him if he wants his milk.  He nods yes. And then the disliking affirmations stop, I am able to get him dressed and we head off to bed.  

  We cuddle while reading a story.  He hugs me and gives me a few kisses and before falling asleep says "I love you, Momma."

  Perhaps that's what he meant all along when he was saying that he didn't like me. ;)

  I am sure there are other examples but I am tired and want to go to sleep myself.  Fighting with a preschooler is utterly exhausting.

And this is the truth of it.