Recently, Today's Parent magazine has put out a list of what this particular mother misses about life before kids. I just thought that I would give my two cents about a few of the things on that list.
Honestly, doing nothing.
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| Originally on BabyCenter FB page |
Frivolous Gifts.
I just looked through my last few letters to Santa (and yes, I still write them just because I don't want people wasting their hard earned money on things I don't need) and noticed that all my gifts were practical. Heck, I asked for sink grates so that when I wash the baby bottles or other baby items, they can dry without sitting directly on the sink's bottom which may not be the cleanest place. The most frivolous thing I asked for was snow boots. How selfish of me to want warm, dry toes. Perhaps this is why I have decided to only give my mommy girlfriends frivolous gifts for their birthdays. (It also gives me an excuse to have a spa day too :)
Being Hungover.
Alright, this one is a little weird because who the hell WANTS to be hungover. Not only do hangovers become more inevitable as you age, they also don't seem to take as many drinks to earn. But the difference is that, without children, you can actually nurse your hangover. You can sleep to your hearts content or slam down as many Advil as you need. Heck, you can even just start drinking again. But if you are nursing, you gotta watch the pills you pop and there is NO WAY the kids will let you sleep the day away. Chances are, they will be even louder and needier than on any other day. I guess what the author means is that she misses the luxury to being allowed to be hungover. I don't even have time for a regular (certainly non-deserved) migraine much less a self-induced one.
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| Once Upon a Belly's FB page |
Peeing with the Door Closed.
Can't really say I miss it. It's just a fact of life. Potty time is party time. Whether you are doing a #1 or a #2, you can bet that your little one is gonna want to tag along.
Being Grossed Out.
I'll be the first to admit that I have never been a squeamish person. I spent a whole semester in university dissecting things. Pretty much the only thing that turns my stomach is senseless violence, which is why I have not watched Monster, Fight Club or the Game of Thrones series (although I am on the third book). Changing diapers and being spat up on didn't phase me at all. In fact, at our newborn shoot, Élize peed on me twice and pooped on me once. Thank goodness for photoshop.
However, this did make me reflect on the "gross" things that I have endured since I have been a mother:
1) Being a human kleenex on a regular basis.
2) Being puked on at least twice a year. Toddlers don't quite get the concept of running to the toilet or using a bucket. They just run to you for support. Yup, I once even turned the front of my shirt into a bowl so that my son could puke in it. Then I sat there, holding it against me thinking "How the hell am I going to get this shirt off without dumping all of this on my head?"
3) Holding a cupped hand under my son's mouth so that he could spit out the two inch warm. gelatinous glob of yellow-green phlegm he had coughed up. I even had to use my thumb to brush some of it off his tongue.
Alright, I will admit, that last one nearly made me gag.
As to the five other things that this particular author misses about her life without kids, I can say that I am coping without or with a lot less of them.
I was never a big bar star so the dancing is not lost on me, besides, Noah and I have our own little dance parties. I feel I can express myself just fine without swearing, I don't even really have to watch myself about it. Except I do get busted using the word "stupid" and have to take time out accordingly. And although I would like to have my home look like it was inspired by decorating mag, I just want a space without too much kid clutter. So far, I am settling for the front room which also serves as a parking lot for two of our strollers. I never read fashion magazines and will admit that the only magazine I have ever subscribed to was Today's Parent from which the original article was published. And then there are the showers...although I take fewer of them, when I do, I do not rush myself. It is my time to think, to relax and to just be alone.
Albeit, there are a few things I miss.
I do miss après dinner socialization. Admittedly, and understandably, my circle of friends has been slightly rearranged since having children. Before kids, I was heading out the door to meet them at a local pub at about 8:30 and coming home nearly 4 hours later (alright, sometimes even longer than that.) Nowadays, by 8:30, the littlest one is already sleeping and I am about to read the oldest his bedtime story. And after that, I am too tired to do anything but go to bed myself because in 4 hours at least one of my kids will require resettling. But I do have some really great friends with children, I just really look forward to the day where we can enjoy an early dinner and some relaxing after-meal drinks and games without having to deal with preschool sharing issues, baby expiration or bedtimes. However, I do know that in about 5 years from now our children will (hopefully) be playing co-operatively while the parents get to let loose a little. Who knows, perhaps they will actually be fans of our pseudo RockBand, the JagerBombs.
I miss entertainment that is not rated G. Since Noah has attended Wind & Tide our car rides consist of their two music CDs. Although I like the messages of going for goodness and nature, the sensual side of this woman fades every time I catch myself humming any of those songs when they are not on. Not gonna lie, this may require a Madonna/ Beyoncé/ Christina/ Rhianna/ Britney/ even Ke$ha intervention before mat leave is over if my husband ever plans on getting lucky again. One cannot feel sexy when the soundtrack to her life can be sung by any 3 or 4 year old at a preschool concert.
The same goes for movies and tv shows. Unless it's Disney or Pixar or on Treehouse, I have NOT seen it. (And I sure as heck haven't seen it in one sitting...I watched the Oscars in three separate parts over a two week period.) I am condemned to G rating entertainment because I have a sponge as a son who is also extremely sensitive. Apart from the fact that he will pick up and later spit out the foul language, he will be scared and scarred by the violent or scary scenes. (This is a kid who runs to my protection when Thomas the Train shows get too scary.) Besides, I sure as heck don't need to compare myself to those sexy star moms who make me feel like the Yummy Mummy pictured above.
I miss the ease of just getting up and going. Back in the day, I didn't run away when I tried to put on my shoes or my jacket. I didn't fight the seat belt or shit myself right before leaving so that I would have to change my entire outfit. When I left the car, the seat stayed put and all I needed was my purse, not a ginormous diaper bag that is equipped to handle being stranded on a deserted island for a year. Not that I poop myself now or run away while getting dressed, I have mini-me's that do that for me. But leaving could happen at the drop of a hat. Plans could be randomly made and did not need so much time and preparation to execute.
However, this did make me reflect on the "gross" things that I have endured since I have been a mother:
1) Being a human kleenex on a regular basis.
2) Being puked on at least twice a year. Toddlers don't quite get the concept of running to the toilet or using a bucket. They just run to you for support. Yup, I once even turned the front of my shirt into a bowl so that my son could puke in it. Then I sat there, holding it against me thinking "How the hell am I going to get this shirt off without dumping all of this on my head?"
3) Holding a cupped hand under my son's mouth so that he could spit out the two inch warm. gelatinous glob of yellow-green phlegm he had coughed up. I even had to use my thumb to brush some of it off his tongue.
Alright, I will admit, that last one nearly made me gag.
As to the five other things that this particular author misses about her life without kids, I can say that I am coping without or with a lot less of them.
I was never a big bar star so the dancing is not lost on me, besides, Noah and I have our own little dance parties. I feel I can express myself just fine without swearing, I don't even really have to watch myself about it. Except I do get busted using the word "stupid" and have to take time out accordingly. And although I would like to have my home look like it was inspired by decorating mag, I just want a space without too much kid clutter. So far, I am settling for the front room which also serves as a parking lot for two of our strollers. I never read fashion magazines and will admit that the only magazine I have ever subscribed to was Today's Parent from which the original article was published. And then there are the showers...although I take fewer of them, when I do, I do not rush myself. It is my time to think, to relax and to just be alone.
Albeit, there are a few things I miss.
I do miss après dinner socialization. Admittedly, and understandably, my circle of friends has been slightly rearranged since having children. Before kids, I was heading out the door to meet them at a local pub at about 8:30 and coming home nearly 4 hours later (alright, sometimes even longer than that.) Nowadays, by 8:30, the littlest one is already sleeping and I am about to read the oldest his bedtime story. And after that, I am too tired to do anything but go to bed myself because in 4 hours at least one of my kids will require resettling. But I do have some really great friends with children, I just really look forward to the day where we can enjoy an early dinner and some relaxing after-meal drinks and games without having to deal with preschool sharing issues, baby expiration or bedtimes. However, I do know that in about 5 years from now our children will (hopefully) be playing co-operatively while the parents get to let loose a little. Who knows, perhaps they will actually be fans of our pseudo RockBand, the JagerBombs.
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| My current Sex-appeal |
The same goes for movies and tv shows. Unless it's Disney or Pixar or on Treehouse, I have NOT seen it. (And I sure as heck haven't seen it in one sitting...I watched the Oscars in three separate parts over a two week period.) I am condemned to G rating entertainment because I have a sponge as a son who is also extremely sensitive. Apart from the fact that he will pick up and later spit out the foul language, he will be scared and scarred by the violent or scary scenes. (This is a kid who runs to my protection when Thomas the Train shows get too scary.) Besides, I sure as heck don't need to compare myself to those sexy star moms who make me feel like the Yummy Mummy pictured above.
I miss the ease of just getting up and going. Back in the day, I didn't run away when I tried to put on my shoes or my jacket. I didn't fight the seat belt or shit myself right before leaving so that I would have to change my entire outfit. When I left the car, the seat stayed put and all I needed was my purse, not a ginormous diaper bag that is equipped to handle being stranded on a deserted island for a year. Not that I poop myself now or run away while getting dressed, I have mini-me's that do that for me. But leaving could happen at the drop of a hat. Plans could be randomly made and did not need so much time and preparation to execute.
All that being said, there are many things in my life that are different now that I have kids. But they are not just kids. They are so much more than that. And all of the things that I miss about life before them do not hold a candle to all of the things that I have now because my children are in my life.
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